Wisdom
by Beth6787
Summary: A finale to 'Second Chances'. Just...because...


Beth6787

15 January y

Wisdom

A finale to 'Second Chances'. Just ...because...

Two days later...

She was out walking the dogs again. Alone this time. Molly had adjusted to having her mistress back and Katie followed her mother's lead. So Mark had felt confident to give her free reign. Besides they were in the middle of farmland, nowhere near a roadway, and harvesting was still a few weeks off.

Oh how she had missed the wind in her hair and the familiar agricultural smells! The musky odour of the ears of wheat, still damp with the last of the evaporating morning dew. Mr. Henderson's muck spreading - whatever the season - well he did keep all those horses so he had to do something with the manure...

It was heating up quickly now and she was already feeling stifled by her sweater. She pulled it over her head and tied it around her waist. The sleeveless white vest she had on underneath would keep her cool and give her the chance to start on a well earned tan. The first she had had the chance for in almost a decade.

She threw the ball as far ahead as she could, trying to aim for the track around the edge of the field but both dogs dived out of sight regardless. Laughing she slumped down on the remains of an old oak tree stump and rooted around in her rucksack for that bottle of water she had packed earlier. As she stretched out and was about to take a sip, something reflected in the sunlight and caught her attention. There was someone down by the river at the bottom of the field. She was sure of it. A brief movement again. Then it was gone. Perhaps it was just the wind rustling the edge of the hedgerow. ...

She called the dogs and Molly came obediently back to her but no sign of Katie. Then she heard him "Easy girl. Let go, please. I'm not going to do any harm.."

She would recognise that voice anywhere. Chakotay! Jumping up she hurried down the slope with Molly following several paces behind. As she approached it was obvious that Katie had Chakotay by the trouser leg and had no intention of letting him go. To his credit he had not forced the issue and harmed her dog. He was actually trying to substitute a bone from his bag for the shin she was currently attached to.

"Katie ! Let go !" at the sound of Kathryn's voice the dog froze then rapidly let go and ran to hide behind Kathryn. No doubt she was anxious that Chakotay might extract some revenge. She regarded him thoughtfully as he tried to tidy himself up and assess the damage. Luckily his trousers had saved him from a puncture wound but he would have a nasty bruise in a couple of days.

"Well Chakotay, what do you expect if you will spy on me. Hiding in the bushes no less. You are lucky that she's a middle aged Red Setter and not an Alsatian or Doberman. What on earth are you doing out here?"

He was feeling more and more ridiculous by the minute. Embarrassed and ashamed. The truth was that he had been shaken by the appearance of Mark in Voyager's Mess Hall a week ago. Then even more so when he had headed to Indiana to speak to Kathryn at her mother's house only to get a very cool reception from Mrs. Janeway. After a lot of pleading she had relented and told him that Kathryn was still staying with Mark. And she had made it very plain to Chakotay that she did not want him disturbing her daughter. Obviously the gossip grapevine had spread word of that fiasco of a non-relationship with Seven. He had killed it stone dead the morning after the party. Mark's re-appearance had been the wake up call he needed. But he realised he had a lot of bridges to mend.

So he had come here, hoping to catch sight of her alone. He initially wanted to talk to her. Of course he still did: but soon realised that he had no words adequate to express his remorse. So he had decided to merely watch her: unobserved. Just to see whether she truly appeared happy. If she was then perhaps he should have the decency to slip away and let her try and rekindle something with her former fiancé. Then again, if he did that, he may lose her for ever.

So, he had let his guard down and the dog had naturally detected his presence. Being a strange male hiding in the bushes as her mistress approached...no wonder she had gone for him. Katie now usurping the role that he had faithfully filled for the last seven odd years : Kathryn's protector. What was he now? A stalker? A creepy old man?

He glanced up sheepishly at Kathryn. "I'm sorry. This isn't what it looks like...well maybe it is but that wasn't my original intention. I just wanted to make sure you were safe and happy and..." He tried desperately to gather his thoughts "I really need to talk to you. Properly. Can you spare me a few minutes?"

Kathryn was torn between telling him to take a hike and wanting to throw her arms around him : in equal measure. Instead she just asked "Can you walk on that leg?"

He put his weight on it , tentatively. Yes, it stung but it was only a bit of inflammation and early stage bruising. Nothing he couldn't cope with "Yes, it's only bruised. I'll live."

"In that case you can join us for the rest of the dogs' walk. It's only a couple of miles along the river path before we head back up to the house. Molly is getting old so can't manage much more and her owner is a little out of condition too. She's still getting used to full planet-side gravity."

Chakotay smiled his thanks and they started walking. It was cooler here as the branches of the elms and birches planted along the banks, dappled the sunlight and diffused the heat.

"Yes, it does take some getting used to. Particularly the midday heat in Indiana this time of year."

She raised an eyebrow at that. "I arrived yesterday Kathryn. I wasn't sure where to find you, initially, so I camped out last night, over there."

He pointed up towards the edge of the Henderson's farm where what remained of the old barn 'stood' - or rather leaned - up against the great oak. If it wasn't for that tree the rest of the dilapidated structure would have given up the ghost long ago.

"It provided some respite from the easterly wind and `I had my tent and sleeping bag".

This was so awkward and she didn't feel like inviting him up to the house to meet Mark. Not now. Not yet and maybe...not ever. Quite honestly the whole him and Seven bombshell was still pretty raw. Even if she did have Mark's dependable love and understanding to fall back on. She had had enough. Let him say his piece and get this over with "So Chakotay, why were you looking for me?"

There it was. He knew she wouldn't give him much more time and in less than a mile she and the dogs would swing back up towards the house and that would be his cue to depart. Whatever he said next would have to hit home. And he had absolutely no idea what to say so he blundered on...

"I wanted...no. Needed to seek your forgiveness. I have made a complete fool of myself and probably ruined everything we built up over the last seven years. I am not seeing Seven. I cut that stone dead the morning after the farewell party in the Mess Hall. And Kathryn, I spent that last night on the ship alone. We only had two dates, three if you count that last night, and ...I really have no idea why. Loneliness. Loss of faith that we would ever actually make it back here or just..."

"Your libido got the better of your brain?" Kathryn finished for him, increasing her pace. Wanting away from.."this" and feeling a need to put some distance between herself and ...what he represented.

Ouch ! That hurt. But she had cut to the chase and besides. She was right. Not that he and Seven had actually...but the temptation had been too strong to resist. For one foolish moment. He would have to swallow his pride now, but if that gave him even the tiniest glimmer of a chance he had to take it. He ran to catch up and grabbed her arm.

"Kathryn wait. Please. Just hear me out for five minutes and then I will go away. I promise. Your call entirely whether we ever meet again. You have my word on that."

She considered. "Okay Chakotay. Five minutes." She gestured to an old bench next to a trout fishing platform. "We can sit here and I'll give the dogs something to eat and they can have a drink from the river."

Once they were seated he told her everything. From how Seven had approached him that first time in Astrometrics. How he had initially said no then deluded himself that he was doing Seven a favour by helping her enhance her social skills. How he had been surprised by her emerging emotional intelligence and personality. He discovered that she had interests and ideas of her own. Obviously, with hindsight the result of many hours nurturing by both The Doctor and most of all Kathryn. Seven had told him as much. How she looked up to them both as mentors and surrogate parental figures. Kathryn had winced a little at that, but he assured her that it was meant as a sincere compliment. Seven was what she had become because Kathryn had seen and nurtured the potential in her. Whereas he, Chakotay, had sought to exploit it for his own needs.

He still loved her - Kathryn. He always had and he always would. He had had a momentary lapse of judgement and given in to temptation. He would be eternally sorry but he just wanted a chance to win her love back. Before it was too late.

At last he fell silent and Kathryn considered for a moment how best to phrase her reply. She was sure of her feelings but wanted to ensure there would be no ambiguity. That Chakotay would understand her. Completely.

The silence dragged on then at last she turned around on the bench to face him and and began to speak.

"Chakotay. I want you to listen to me very carefully because I want you to understand : truly understand what I say next. And respect it. As you have just told me you will."

He gave her the merest nod but she could see from the expression in his eyes that she had his full attention. Maybe, truly for the first time in eight long years...

"You have hurt me. Deeply. Not merely because you took a fancy to a young woman who flattered your ego - that's a scenario as old as these hills. But because you lied to me. You promised that, come what may, you would wait for me. But you did not. Then you concealed that fact from me and left me to discover it from the Admiral's lips. Otherwise, maybe I would have been in the dark until two hours before our Coming Home party. Two hours Chakotay ! That's all you gave me to adapt to the fact you were abandoning me on the most significant night since our two crews merged together all those years ago. Yes, thank goodness, I already knew. But it was no thanks to you. The fact is I no longer trust you to keep your word. Let me tell you something about loyalty and love."

At this point she stood and walked forward to the river bank watching their reflections ripple on the gentle turbulence caused by the breeze changing direction. She did not look at him again but she made sure her voice carried back to him on the wind.

" You had my company nearly constantly for seven and a half long years. We sat next to each other on the Bridge daily. Worked together for long hours in the Ready Room; went on joint away missions; shore leaves; spent time in the holodecks and Neelix's social events together. Barring sharing a bed, we pretty much did everything else together: day in, day out for years on end. Meanwhile Mark had nothing. He thought I was dead for four years but stayed loyal to our memories. Looked after my dogs and my house. Held my mother and sister together emotionally. Then, he hears via Pathfinder and the Hirogen network that we were still alive. But almost sixty Earth years distant. Stranded on the other side of the galaxy. So what does he do? The only thing he can to show kindness to me. He gives me an out. Writes a fabricated 'Dear John' letter to allow me to let go of him. Emotionally. So I have a chance of making a new life out there for myself. Mark stays alone. I believe his tale that he has moved on and married. So he hears nothing more from me for a further four years. Oh he gets snippets of information from my mother but nothing first hand. Even a rumour or two that I may have someone out there..." at this point she glances at him to make sure he is still listening. She can see from the ashamed flush in his cheeks that he is " Yet he still hopes. He still stays loyal to me. He still loves me. Having received absolutely nothing in return for the past eight years. That is true love Chakotay. Something that he is capable of and you clearly aren't. I include myself in that. Mark deserves better than me and I deserve better than you. So I am going to give Mark and I a second chance. He had more than earned it. I just hope I can live up to his hopes and dreams. Do we understand each other?"

Chakotay stood and he was openly crying now. He came up to her and offered his hand. "Be happy Kathryn. I truly hope it works out for you."

She nodded at him but could not bring herself to shake hands. Then, calling the dogs she started up the hill. After a few steps she stopped and looked back but he was nowhere in sight.

—-

Five hours later...

She had just served up supper when Mark walked through the door after work. He smiled at her as he saw dinner actually looked edible. Perhaps Neelix had taught her a trick or two out there.

"How was your day?" He asked "Do anything interesting?"

She almost didn't mention it but then decided that would be following in Chakotay's footsteps. "I took the dogs for a walk down to the river bank and bumped into my former First Officer, Chakotay. Actually, Katie had hold of him by the shin and I had to prize her jaw open to release him." She saw the look of concern on Mark's face. "Don't worry, she didn't puncture his skin, he'll only have a bruise after a day or two. Actually he joined us briefly for part of the walk. He wanted to see how I was settling in back home."

Mark looked quizzically at her "oh...what did you tell him?"

She smiled "That I was blessed to have you back in my life. That I was indeed back home. Permanently."

"Do you think he'll be back?"

Kathryn placed a reassuring hand on Mark's shoulder and reached up to kiss him lightly on the lips. "No. He won't be back. I'm sure of that."

THE END

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